Bill and Kristi Gaultiere
8 min read ⭑
“Today, an essential soul-care practice for [us] is giving and receiving empathy in conversations that are emotionally honest and prayerful. We find that our intimacy with God parallels the intimacy in our marriage and our other relationships.”
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
I (Bill) enjoy eating special meals at restaurants, but I’m restricted by my food allergies, especially to gluten. At restaurant counters, long lines form behind me sometimes as I communicate my dietary needs! It’s embarrassing because I don’t like asking for a special order, but if I don’t, I get sick.
Mama Di’s Italian Kitchen in Newport Beach, California, makes it easy for me. They’re careful with food allergies and eager to please, and their food is delicious. Their portions are so generous that Kristi and I split their gluten-free Pasta Primavera, which comes with tender chicken, snap peas, carrots, tomato, and delicious pink sauce (bold tomato and rich cream). It reminds me of the meals my Italian grandma made me as a boy.
Afterward, we like to go to Gelato Paradiso. Each sweet, heavenly bite transports us back to Cinque Terre, Italy, where we enjoyed gelato twice a day as we walked the old cobblestone streets along the coast.
Alexander Andrews; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?
All my life, I (Kristi) have had a cat. I enjoy listening to my cat’s soothing purr and feeling him relax in my arms. He often does funny things that make me laugh. I love how he follows me around the house, always attentive to my presence. I want to be that attuned to and desirous of being in the presence of Jesus.
I (Bill) don’t really like cats, and I can’t imagine sitting and petting a cat for a long time. (But I choose to love cats as a way to love Kristi!) I like to be active. I’ve run a number of marathons, going back to when I was in high school. Every day, first thing in the morning, I get outside and go for a run of five miles or more along the lakes near our house. The sound of my feet pounding the ground and the flow of air in and out of my lungs helps me relax. I soak my soul in the beauty of the lake, sky, trees, dancing butterflies, and singing birds. When I run, I feel free, young, and most of all, near to God. (I’m sure that the runner’s high I often get helps, too!)
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?
Recently, I (Bill) was on a run, and a younger guy came up from behind and passed me. His true pace was about the same as mine so for a quarter-mile he was only 10 yards in front of me. I was on a long run but had lots of gas in the tank, so I finally sped past him. As I did, I heard how hard he had been breathing to stay ahead of me. Pretty quickly, he was far behind me. I enjoyed that a lot! Probably too much.
I’m competitive. I want to be the best. I compare myself to other people and may feel inadequate or jealous if I’m not the best. Those are tendencies when I’m not staying near to Jesus. The truth is that Jesus is the best, and when I’m enjoying him and letting his love flow through me, that’s when my life is good—really good. Letting people pass me in life and ministry—and even helping them pass me out of love for Jesus—is what brings me real joy and advances the kingdom of God.
My (Kristi’s) kryptonite is people-pleasing. Without even realizing it, I do it to feel wanted. I’m trying to earn love even though true love is unconditional. In reality, it’s only when I’m real and vulnerable and still accepted that I’m truly free and living as the beloved of God.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?
Our shared passion is to help people go deeper with Jesus in emotional health and loving leadership. The painful cost of neglecting your soul is stress overload, broken relationships, isolation, leadership problems, and spiritual emptiness.
We’re doctors of psychology and the founders of Soul Shepherding, a nonprofit ministry that offers Jesus-centered psychology, spiritual direction, and practical tools for pastors, missionaries, leaders, and all kinds of people who want to serve God better.
Our book Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth teaches our model on the stages of faith that everyone experiences. This book was No. 1 on Amazon in the Christian Counseling category.
Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually through the Enneagram is our newest book. Every personality type can get stuck in unhealthy patterns. We use the Enneagram to show you how God can transform anger, shame, anxiety, and sadness into freedom, joy, peace, and love. We lead you to rely on Jesus as the perfection of your type.
The way to get healthy and lead healthily is to cultivate intimacy with Jesus through emotional honesty, spiritual direction, and intelligent soul-care practices. We train you in our Soul Shepherding Institute, which features four five-day retreats in “Spiritual Formation,” “Spiritual & Psychological Development,” “Soul Care Ministry,” and “Relationally Healthy Leadership.” You can do the retreats in person at beautiful locations across America or online. If you do our full two-year program, then you can earn a certificate to serve as a spiritual director.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
Some cooks scarcely lick their fingers yet serve delectable dishes of food to others. Instead, we’ve learned that the key to inspired work is to serve what you’re cooking. When we serve others what we’ve first been cooking with God in the kitchen of our souls, then our work is fruitful and fun!
What’s cooking in my soul? How am I experiencing God’s love, joy, peace, and power? We’ve learned that being invigorated by the Holy Spirit for our work starts with asking soul-care questions like these.
When God shows up for me (Kristi), I experience power and wisdom beyond my own abilities and see fruitful ministry despite my weaknesses.
Similarly, for me (Bill), when I’m in tune with the Spirit of Jesus, I often find that words come out of my mouth or through my fingers on the keyboard that I didn’t think of—they just flow out of me. When that flow stops, I stop. I pray. I ask questions. I ask for help. I watch to see what God will do—often through other people. Then when I’m led, I step back in.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So spill it, which spiritual practice is workin’ best for you right now?
When I (Bill) was younger, if you asked me how I felt, I was blank. I didn’t know what I felt or needed. It didn’t even seem important. Actually, it seemed selfish. So I would turn the focus to support you. I didn’t know I was hiding behind smug, self-sufficient pride. I didn’t know I had an emotional vacuum in my soul that was distancing me from God and people and leaving me stuck in a vague, low-lying, dark cloud of a melancholy mood. Repressed emotions are a source of depression, anxiety, addiction, and distant relationships.
Today, an essential soul-care practice for Kristi and me is giving and receiving empathy in conversations that are emotionally honest and prayerful. We find that our intimacy with God parallels the intimacy in our marriage and our other relationships.
The Bible teaches us to “love one another” because this is a primary way that we experience God’s love and are strengthened to do good work that spreads the gospel of Jesus (see John 13:34-35).
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources—lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are three resources that have impacted you?
1. Every day, we read, meditate on, pray, and sing God’s Word. Most days, we also share with each other what we’re learning or how we need prayer.
2. We have a rich library of the classics about devotion to Jesus that we draw from to stoke the fires of our own devotion. One favorite is Letters by a Modern Mystic by Frank Laubach.
3. We’ve each read all of Dallas Willard’s books on spiritual formation in Christ and spent over 2,000 hours listening to audios of his seminars. One example is The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering Our Hidden Life in God.
We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season—and tell us what it’s done for you.
Watching TV is usually not a soul-care activity, but we recently discovered RedeemTV, a free streaming app that’s really blessed us. We especially appreciate their library of short documentary movies on the lives of great Christians from the past.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
Ray Ortlund Sr. was a spiritual father to me (Bill), and one day years ago, he told me, “Bill, I’ve never heard of a psychologist who’s devoted to Jesus like you are. This blesses me so much! But in your work, you’re holding back. Let your heart for Jesus hang out there! Don’t worry about what people think. Don’t hold back. Let people see your affection and reverence for Jesus.”
Along these lines, Kristi and I are praying about our next book with our publisher, Revell Books (Baker Publishing Group). We’re excited about the possibility of writing a devotional book that integrates intimacy with Jesus and emotional health, drawing on the Gospels and our personal lives. This feels very vulnerable and exposing. Yet our experience is that when we take risks out of love for Jesus, God meets us and blesses our efforts.
Do you find you hold back sometimes when it comes to sharing your faith? Maybe you fear people might view you as unprofessional, unintelligent, or uninteresting if you share your love for God, especially in a public setting.
But Jesus said, “So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 10:32-33, ESV).
How do you feel when you read Jesus’ words? What actions or people come to mind? How do you think these words apply to you personally? We pray you discover more freedom and boldness to share God’s love with others this week.
Bill and Kristi Gaultiere are doctors of psychology and the founders of Soul Shepherding, a ministry to help pastors, leaders, churches, and all those desiring to thrive with Jesus in emotional and relational health. They are also authors of several soul care books and resources and have been speaking and writing about following Jesus since 1987. Opposites in personality, Bill and Kristi blend their styles and stories in their speaking and writing. Their new book, Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith, uses the Enneagram to help you grow in emotional health, loving relationships, and intimacy with Jesus.