Dave and Ashley Willis
7 min read ⭑
“We are obsessed with helping people build stronger, healthier relationships. We focus primarily on marriage because we’re convinced that when a marriage is strong, every part of a person’s life and legacy will improve as a result.”
As part of the team at XO Marriage, Dave and Ashley Willis firmly believe that God’s roadmap for marriage is still the best one out there — and they’re determined to help as many couples as possible discover it. Whether they’re writing a new book or article, speaking at a conference, or hosting another episode of The Naked Marriage Podcast, Dave and Ashley work hard to teach Christian couples how to put Jesus in the center of their marriages. Today, they’re opening up about their own personal struggles, how they find rest after a busy day of ministry, and the books, devotionals, and apps that have transformed their faith.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
We love to eat, and many of our happiest moments are spent sharing food with people we love. As for the “hometown restaurant” part, that’s where it starts to get complicated. Our lives are a geographic anomaly. We sort of have three different hometowns and live our lives bouncing between all three.
We both were raised around Lexington, Kentucky, where our extended families live. We’re back there often visiting everyone, and when we’re in town, we love eating a good Kentucky Hot Brown. If you’ve never tried one, put it on your bucket list!
We’ve mostly raised our kids in Augusta, Georgia, where we currently reside. It’s a great place to get some good Southern comfort food. Our marriage ministry (XO Marriage) is based in Dallas, Texas, where we lived for a time and still travel often. We love hanging out with friends and colleagues over some Tex-Mex or BBQ when we’re there.
Adrian Dascal; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activity (or activities) do you love engaging in, which also help you find essential spiritual renewal?
We love exploring new places and getting outdoors. We’ve hiked part of the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu in Peru as well as trails in many of America’s national parks. We love being outside in beautiful places. When at home, we love walking our dog around the neighborhood and hanging out with our boys around the pool when the weather is warm. Thankfully, in Georgia, it’s warm most of the time! When we’re indoors, we enjoy cuddling up to a good comedy or mystery movie.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So, what’s your kryptonite, and how do you hide it?
Dave: I’ve got all kinds of kryptonite. I eat way too much junk food and often refer to Little Debbie as “the other woman in my life”! I eat way too much ice cream and Mexican food, which is why I still have love handles despite exercising daily. On a more serious note, I had a past addiction to pornography, which Ashley and I discuss often on our Naked Marriage Podcast and XO Marriage Conferences. I’m thankful to be free from that and, now, help others escape it.
Ashley: I had a long battle with anxiety and depression. It was a dark season, but God was faithful through it, and I’ve been free from it for many years. My testimony about mental health has encouraged a lot of people who face the struggle. I’d say my biggest struggle right now is staying too busy and not having enough margin. Dave is always trying to get me to slow down!
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
We are obsessed with helping people build stronger, healthier relationships. We focus primarily on marriage because we’re convinced that when a marriage is strong, every part of a person’s life and legacy will improve as a result. When a marriage struggles, it makes every other aspect of life more painful. Strong marriages are the foundation of strong families, which are the foundation of strong communities. We live in a world where marriage is often devalued and misunderstood. We believe marriage is more relevant and important than ever and that God’s timeless roadmap for marriage is still the best way forward.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
We interact with individuals and couples from all over the world. Many of these interactions happen online as people will write us on social media and email us asking us questions related to marriage, mental health and a myriad of other important topics. We also interact with people in person at our XO Conferences, at our home church and in counseling or coaching settings.
In all these interactions, we feel the weight of needing to say something useful and true that will make a difference. At those moments, whether responding to someone’s email or meeting face to face, we’re praying silent prayers for the Holy Spirit to guide our words. We know our own advice can’t change anyone’s life, but Jesus can do anything. As we stay connected to him, we can feel his encouraging words of truth flowing through us to the people who need to be reminded of his promises and principles.
It’s such an honor to be used by God to encourage others. The ministry of encouragement isn’t reserved for people in full-time ministry. All of us are called to it. At your job, school and home, the people around you need encouragement, and you can change the climate wherever you are by choosing to be an encourager.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you right now?
Just a short drive from our house is a park with miles of walking trails. It has the Savannah River on one side and the Augusta Canal flowing on the other, with trees and wildlife in between. We go there as often as we can to walk, think, pray and thank God for his goodness.
We also love the gift of laughter. We try to infuse our days with playfulness and fun, whether it’s doing something fun with our kids, watching comedy or doing anything else that makes us laugh. The joy of the Lord is our strength, and in this crazy world where bad news seems to be everywhere, we think holding onto joy is an important way to stay grounded and rooted in Christ.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed the game and changed your heart? What radically altered your life? What changed your reality?
Long before we got connected on the team at XO Marriage, the ministry’s founders (Pastor Jimmy and Karen Evans) had impacted us through their ministry and writings. Their books and teachings continue to have an impact on us. If you’re looking for a good place to start with their resources, we recommend Jimmy’s book The Four Laws of Love and their devotional titled I Will.
The Christian writer and apologist C.S. Lewis has also had a big impact on our lives. We even intentionally gave one of our sons the initials “C.S.” His writings were formative for us in developing a Christian worldview.
Ashley was impacted by many books and resources as she was battling anxiety and depression. One book that stands out from that journey as a book rich with Scripture and practical tools for mental health was The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer.
We all have things we cling to to survive (or even thrive) in tough times—times like these! Name one resource you’re savoring and/or finding indispensable in this current season, and tell us what it’s doing for you.
Both of us have benefited from the YouVersion Bible app, which has Bible reading plans, multiple translations of the Bible, a daily video verse-of-the-day devotional and countless other tools to help users engage with Scripture. We also both enjoy listening to podcasts. Recently, Ashley has been enjoying The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast and the Girls Gone Bible podcast. Dave has been learning from the Carey Nieuhof Leadership Podcast and the Bible in a Year with Jack Graham podcast.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
Last Sunday, a young missionary visited our church and spoke about the exciting, life-changing work he is part of helping orphans around the world. We were inspired by his testimony, and it led us to think new thoughts about how God might use us to help kids in need around the world. We currently sponsor kids through Compassion International and visit an orphanage in Guatemala that our church supports. We’d love to get more involved in these areas.
We dream about continuing our marriage ministry and helping couples worldwide grow in their faith and families. We’ve also dreamed about having our own wedding venue or retreat venue where we can host weddings, conferences and friends from all over the world. We’ve dreamed about all kinds of different adventures, ministries and opportunities, but mostly, we dream about growing our family through future grandchildren and making great memories together as a family for years to come.
The sad truth is that many Christian marriages today are struggling. One survey found that 24% of married people in the church say their marriage is struggling. However, researchers admit the real number is higher since 31% of women report problems in their marriage.
These numbers shouldn’t surprise us. If God’s intention is to reflect Jesus’ relationship with the church in Christian marriages, it stands to reason that our spiritual enemy would love to help break those relationships down. Will we let him?
This week, we encourage you to pray for the marriages around you — starting with your own if you’re married. Pray for healing, perseverance to work through problems together, and a willingness to be vulnerable and humble in the process.
Dave and Ashley Willis are authors, conference speakers and hosts of The Naked Marriage Podcast. They serve as part of the team at XO Marriage, which is the largest marriage-focused ministry in the U.S. Dave and Ashley live with their four sons and a rescue dog near Augusta, Georgia. Dave also serves as a teaching pastor at Stevens Creek Church, and Ashley provides biblical counseling. For additional information, please visit www.DaveAndAshleyWillis.com.