Jess Johnston
8 min read ⭑
“Friendship challenges don’t discriminate based on generation or age. We all wrestle with them. We all struggle with them.”
The following is a transcript of a live interview. Responses have been edited and condensed for brevity and clarity.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
First of all, I’m a total foodie, but not in the way that you would necessarily think. I’m a big believer in ranch dressing and any other kind of dipping sauce. I love dipping sauces. And I love going out to eat with my friends.
Because of that, one of my favorite restaurants is a place that has amazing chicken wings. Another place I really enjoy has French fries that are covered with clam chowder. For me, it’s about the food and eating, but even more so, it’s about just laughing and being with my friends.
Gustavo Zambelli; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?
I love to run. Actually, that’s kind of a lie. I have a love-hate relationship with running. I love running—after I’ve finished my workout. That is kind of my church right now—throwing on my shoes and running on the beach and listening to worship. Music is one of my favorite things to do, just to connect and unwind and get out in nature.
I realized for myself that I have a very squirrel-like brain. I’m just like all over the place all the time and have a really hard time sitting still. I realized running enables me to meditate and focus on one thing at a time. It clears my head so I can process, pray, and worship in a way that helps me to connect.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?
I have so many, I don’t even know where to start. I think I am an absolute mess most of the time—I can be very chaotic and disorganized. I would also say that I can be impatient and struggle with having patience in the day to day, such as with parenting and all that.
But my flaws are kind of my trade. I got started in writing by basically exposing all my flaws and faults. Soon, people started saying, “Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one.”
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?
Amy Weatherly and I recently wrote a book called I’ll Be There (But I’ll Be Wearing Sweatpants), which is all about friendship, specifically for adult women and teens. This topic is my passion because I’ve struggled with friendship my whole life. I always thought I was the issue or that something was wrong with me. I would think, I’m awkward. What is wrong with me? I can’t seem to find close friendships. What is wrong with me?
That book ended up hitting a nerve with a lot of people, and it got us thinking, What do we want even more? We decided we wanted to give the same gift of talking about friendship in a real and authentic way to our kids. So what we recently worked on is a book for 8- to 12-year-old girls. It’s all about friendship, and we talk about it in a real way, not a pretty way like, “You need friends. Everyone should have friends.” Instead, the way we talk about it is authentic. We tell them, “This is hard. This is a struggle. It’s not just you.”
That book is called I’ll Be There (And Let’s Make Friendship Bracelets): A Girl’s Guide to Making and Keeping Real-Life Friendships and I’m very excited about it. We’ve realized friendship challenges don’t discriminate based on generation or age. We all wrestle with them. We all struggle with them. So this book is really for everyone.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
I feel like this whole process of writing—and specifically writing about friendship—has required me to follow the Lord’s leading. It’s been all about finding where there seems to be grace and movement. By that, I mean I focus on where feel something in my spirit say, Okay, God’s in this.
Honestly, it’s been such an adventure, because I really feel like I’m not on my own. I’m walking this out with the Lord, and he’s opening doors and speaking new vision. And doing it together with Amy is so fun because we both hear the Lord, we both hear his whispers, and we’ll both think, Hey, what about this? It’s just been such a fun journey.
I felt that nudge even in the way it came about. Amy and I had become friends, and she called me out of the blue and said, “Jess, I think we need to start a page called Sister, I am with you. And it needs to be all about friendship because no one’s talking about it.”
At that moment, I thought, Yes, that’s exactly what we need to do. I’ve heard people say that you can sometimes tell what you’re called to do just by looking at something that you’ve struggled with. Struggling with friendship and loneliness throughout my life has made this topic such a passion project for me—something that’s so heavy on my heart. I really want to equip and empower girls and women to have tools so that they don’t feel so alone in the journey. I know that’s God. That’s God’s heart for women, and that’s God’s heart for girls.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So spill it, which spiritual practice is workin’ best for you right now?
Spending time in worship and just spending time with the Lord help me—also choosing a Scripture and then reading it. Not simply to understand it necessarily but just to let it feed me and let it wash over me. I might just keep reading that same Scripture over and over and over and over again because it speaks new things each time.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources—lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are three resources that have impacted you?
One of the biggest things that impacted my faith journey was realizing that I didn’t have to have it all together, that I didn’t have to try to walk a tightrope of being the perfect Christian. Instead, I could be authentic and real about my struggles, about how I wrestled with my faith, about all of that.
When I was a teenager, I went on my first mission trip and had an encounter that impacted me. I was in a room full of teens who were encountering God in worship. And I felt so much pressure to just go with the flow and act it out, but I didn’t feel anything, and I felt so alone. Then later that day, I was talking to a couple of the girls and said, “You know what? I need to be honest. I was really wrestling with my faith before I came here, and I’m really not feeling it.” They responded, “Oh, my gosh. Me either. Me either. I’ve been feeling that way, too.” I felt the Holy Spirit so strongly in that moment of just honesty and truth. So I would say that one of the biggest tools and resources that I have is connection with my friends and being real and authentic about what’s going on in my day-to-day life. God honors that.
As far as physical resources go, my favorite thing right now is Maverick City worship. I love what they’re doing. Even if I’m just cleaning the house, I’ll throw that on, and it’s so powerful.
Lastly, one of my all-time favorite books is Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. I love those short little devotionals. As a kid, I had a tendency to be a perfectionist, so it’s always a breath of fresh air to realize, Okay, I don’t have to read the entire Bible today, I can read one Scripture or I can read two paragraphs that are devotional and that can still be really impactful.
We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season—and tell us what it’s done for you.
The thing that is really saving my life and changing my life right now is going regularly to therapy. Talking through things, owning my issues, and working through them with someone who can help me has just been incredible. Honestly, I don’t know why it took me so long to do it.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
Amy and I are working on another friendship book. It’ll be coming out in the near future. We have such a heart for women, and it needs to be a continued conversation—I know that I still feel that deeply in my heart.
I also feel an inkling from God about writing some other books. I found I really love writing, so I’m excited about that. The inkling that I feel is about continuing to call out struggles that women face. I want to take the mystery out of it so we can say, “Okay, I struggle with this. How about you?” and then share what God is teaching us in those in those struggles. That’s what creates space, and I love to create space where women can feel comfortable, let their hair down, and think, Oh, okay, I’m not the only one. It’s okay that I struggle. It’s okay that this is hard. I just love creating space for that.
It's so easy to think we need to have it all together—to be acceptable to God, to be acceptable to other people, to be acceptable to ourselves. But isn’t that why Jesus came? Because we don’t have it all together? During his earthly ministry, Jesus said:
“Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means; ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders” (Matthew 9:12-13, MSG).
So, friend, if there’s an area of your life where you fall short or struggle or feel inadequate, Jesus invites you in—you’re welcome here.
Jess Johnston is co-author of I’ll Be There (But I’ll Be Swearing Sweatpants) as well as a top contributor to publications such as HuffPo, Scary Mommy, and Motherly. Jess co-founded the Facebook page Sister, I am with you, where over 1 million women can find support and talk about real and raw friendship. She currently lives in Southern California with her husband and four kids—the loves of her life.