Karen Hardwick
13 min read ⭑
“We need connection more now than ever in our workplaces, families, and communities. As a collective whole, we are in so much pain. And much of what beckons people is not about connection but about numbing out.”
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to a meal than palate and preference. How does your go-to order at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
I was raised Episcopalian, and as a result, one of my favorite things is welcoming all to the table. The table is part of my DNA. The food on it (communion) represents soul-nourishing connections I love to create and savor. The people around it share and hold stories lightly (liturgy). And what happens is life-giving (redemption). All of this, together, kick-starts my theology of hospitality.
So my favorite meal is usually one around my table. One that has been simmering for hours. Something creamy and satisfying like beef stroganoff—because life and food are better slow-cooker style. And although I have lived in Atlanta for a long time, I was raised in New Jersey and I still love old-world, ethnic comfort food.
About a year ago, my son and some close friends were gathering for our typical Sunday family dinner. It was one of those chattering-and-laughing evenings in which I was so present that I can still see and taste everything now. James, who was a regular at our Sunday family dinners, said, “I want to be here every Sunday for the rest of my life.”
Two weeks later, James died of an overdose. His loss was profound. It broke us. And yet he got his wish. He was around our family table every Sunday for the rest of his life. It just wasn’t long enough for us. Although the table is not the same without him, we keep the light on.
Ruben Ortega; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests, but we tend to hide them. What do you love doing that might surprise (or shock) people?
I love figuring out the deeper meaning behind run-of-the-mill occurrences, which means I practice full-on mindfulness. I am forever asking myself, Is there any deeper meaning here? Is God trying to tell me something?
Last week, I was getting ready to attend a healing session on the family disease of addiction. I knew it was going to be intense, and I felt all the emotions: hopeful, anxious, tangled up, grateful. I walked into my garage and, out of the corner of my eye, saw a bird stuck between the blinds on my garage window and the glass itself.
The bird kept tapping its head on the glass, trying to free itself by doing something that would never work. I could tell it was frantic—trapped with no place to go. I am really squeamish about things like this but I took a deep breath and lifted the blind off of the bird. It still kept doing the same thing: the definition of insanity, right?
My friend, Meredith, got a broom and slowly, patiently guided the bird off the window, into the air, flying out of the garage.
At that moment, I knew the bird in my garage symbolized the disease of addiction. How it traps us and how we contribute to trapping ourselves, doing the same thing over and over even when we have a way out.
This was so powerful for me as I was preparing to do healing work on this disease that traps and wrecks families. And I am so grateful that the Spirit helped me to pay attention to the message God sent: be present, model loving and healthy behavior, let others find their way out, and remember that nothing changes if nothing changes.
If I did not have such a weird delight in uncovering deeper meanings, the wisdom and miracle in that ordinary occurrence would have been squandered.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We're just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?
I was 10 when my mother was diagnosed with a terminal disease. It was then that I became an adult, totally unprepared to be one and yet willing because I believed my helping could save my mother.
When she died, I was left with overwhelming grief and complex trauma. I medicated myself. My go-to numbing was to obsess over how I could rescue, fix, and heal other people. I had a deep hole inside of myself and tried to fill it by trying to save someone and thereby, proving my lovability and worthiness.
As an Enneagram Two, I am wired to be empathetic, thoughtful, and generous, but when I do those things to prove my worthiness, I become an “empathy-holic.”
Instead of creating a sacred, supportive space, I become fixated on others’ needs and oblivious to mine. I become prideful, over-indexing on my own misguided sense of importance to assuage my terror.
Empathy, my gift, could become empathy, my self-destroyer.
I spent many messy years attracting and being attracted to people who were struggling mightily and who, I believed, would find my superhero cape irresistible. They didn’t. Exhausted and depleted, resentful and fearful, used up and worn down, I tapped out. I surrendered to the power of the 12 steps, a recovery process I do one day at a time, and an up-close-and-personal relationship with God.
The disease of addiction and codependency had their way with me; I am both the resentful elder brother and the prodigal son returning. And I return home to discover that Jesus rides shotgun with me even though he gets into the car and rolls his eyes; it has been a wild ride. When I’m tempted to put my superhero cape back on, Jesus tenderly reminds me that the fact that I’m loved is rooted in just being and not rescuing … and that there is no one to save because he has taken care of that.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?
Connection is my thing, and so my work as a spiritually and clinically trained leadership consultant focuses on helping people channel the amazing power found in connection to self, God, and others. We need connection more now than ever in our workplaces, families, and communities. As a collective whole, we are in so much pain. And much of what beckons people is not about connection but about numbing out.
I wrote The Connected Leader: 7 Strategies for Empowering Your True Self and Inspiring Others for those of us who have people entrusted to our care: CEO or parent, spouse or pastor. It is part memoir, part call to action. I designed it to help people realize connection starts with self-connection and how knowing ourselves leads to a deeply personal relationship with our loving God. One of my favorite quotes from St. Augustine is, “Grant, O Lord, that I may know myself that I may know thee.” The more we know ourselves, the more we know God. The more we know God, the more we connect with our mess and belovedness.
My team and I have created resources to enhance spiritual, emotional, and relational wholeness at work and home.
Our Connect 7 assessment, is an online tool that walks people through the seven strategies of connection. The assessment is designed to increase awareness so that we can become more present, awaken our best selves, and discover a stronger, more connected leader within.
My Connection Manifesto is a three-week guided journaling workbook designed to help people hit the pause button and discover the powerful, meaningful connections in their life. Whether at home or work, we all have the power to create connection, and the Connection Manifesto helps people to awaken to their most connected selves.
We have a coaching program for executives and their teams called Connection Reflection that takes large organizations through a process that emphasizes self-awareness, encourages a growth mindset, teaches mindfulness, and enhances well-being that ultimately allows leaders to operate from a place of wholeness.
Guests on my podcast, Saving You a Seat, dig deep into life’s messiness and explore how connection is the antidote. We share stories, real and raw, that illustrate the grace and grit in everyday life.
Through all my offerings and services, I seek to help people free themselves from the darkness of disconnection and move into the light of connection.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it's God when it happens?
Without the Spirit, I would not be capable of doubling down on humility and honesty the way I have been in this season. This humility-honesty dance invites me to approach myself with empathy, curiosity, and accountability. It also lets me take up my God-given space without overestimating or underestimating my gifts. The Hebrew word for this kind of honest humility is anavah, and I am diving into it.
As a result, other spiritual gifts are kicking in, such as a deep sense of forgiveness. Recently, a longtime friend betrayed me. It was so devastating that, as I drove home after discovering this, I got onto the highway going the wrong way. Thankfully, God had me and I course-corrected. But it was also a symbolic wake-up call—the friendship was taking me down a dangerous road.
Make no mistake. I had my moments of rage, of being messy with myself and others I trust through my disbelief and hurt.
With the tincture of time and loving people, I came to forgive instead of dragging around something that did not belong to me. I do not want to live in resentment, yet I also chose to walk away from the friendship, not because of anger—just because I need to let go of dead things.
Because of the Spirit, I can be more honest and discerning. I can own the red flags I had painted pink, the times I leapfrogged over warning signs. I can choose how I want to have more integrity in all relationships.
As I think about the redeeming power of connection, I also know God loves her and is not taking sides. God wants the betrayer and betrayed to awaken, heal, and accept that we all play both roles throughout our lives. Spirit-inspired humility and honesty keep me from self-righteousness and invites me into freedom.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Some people divide things sacred and things secular. But you know, God can surprise us in unlikely places. How do you find spiritual renewal in so-called “nonspiritual” activities?
I have this beautiful practice I call “chasing slow,” which is weight-lifting for my soul. I wake up early, make my French press coffee, and sit in what my son calls my prayer chair. There you will find me for a chunk of time because it takes the heavenly hosts hours to ground me. How I do the morning is how I do the day.
I start with centering prayer, connecting with inner silence, using a sacred word to ground me, and letting God work on me. There are a few daily 12 Step books I read and I say a few of the Step Prayers, especially Steps 1 through 3. I journal. I meditate.
I read from a book of Christian daily inspiration. I pray Psalm 91 for my son, me, and loved ones in my life. I meditate on the armor of God from Ephesians 6. I read the Bible. I listen for God’s whispers. I talk to Jesus and share my gratitude, fears, loves, and what-the-hecks.
Chasing slow sets me up to be connected to myself and God all day. For me, this practice is not something I do. It is a way of life. I talk to Jesus all day long. My first sponsor told me years ago, “Never go into a room or a conversation without letting God go in first.” Chasing slow allows me to ground myself in that.
My chasing slow practice allows me to hear my heart healing, my soul sighing, and my life changing.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources—lots of things that have truly impacted our faith. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are three of your favorite resources?
If you were in my home, you would see my sickness—there are at least 83 books in baskets and on tables. I am not a Kindle girl, so when I travel for an extended time, the resources I take fill another suitcase. (There has to be a meeting for this.) For right now, however, I have three go-to resources.
One is Amy Seiffert’s Grace Looks Amazing on You: 100 Days of Reflecting God’s Love. It is a daily, Christ-centered dose of inspiration. It is real, rooted in her stories and struggles. It is directional. It points us toward grace. In fact, after reading it over 100 days, I am now going back and re-reading each of the meditations every day for a week. It is that good.
My other go-to when I need to feel God’s healing presence is music. Coty Sloan’s Melodies of the Spirit is violin-led music for healing and it is all Spirit focused. To hear the violin swell is to know God is in the house. I listened to it while preparing for my annual MRI.
I was healed from breast cancer 10 years ago and yet the anticipation of going for the MRI still produces anxiety. Just listening to Coty’s music calms my high anxiety and helps me feel God saying, “Be still and I will fight for you. All is good. Healing is filling you.”
My song right now, which is more of a battle cry and a joy creator, is “Belovedness” by Sarah Kroger. To listen to it is to feel God’s gracious and all-encompassing love. I don’t know if anyone else needs that reassurance, but I sure as heck do.
The other thing that fills my cup is the app Soulspace. It is a daily reflection focused on a Bible passage and rooted in meditation best practices. It brings the listener into an inspiring, healing Scripture to take with you throughout the day.
We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season—and tell us what it’s done for you.
This is a season of letting go for me. Learning to love fiercely without controlling. Learning to love fiercely while unpacking my fears so I can love freely. Learning to love fiercely and understand my own ego-driven motives. The invisible hands have taken over since I signaled I was ready to release my death grip. One morning I randomly opened my Bible to a passage I had never paid any attention to: “Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today” (Genesis 50:20, NRS).
A real lifting occurred at that moment. I had a clarity about the journey my son and I are traveling as we recover from the damage done to us—and how we hurt ourselves in the process.
The beauty of how we are rising became clearer and I turned to the story of Joseph, a story of betrayal, self-discovery, accountability, and forgiveness. A beautiful accounting of all the ways connection thrives.
Then I discovered this beautiful book: Joseph and the Way of Forgiveness by Stephen Mitchell. I am so blessed by it. It tells my story in so many ways—of a mother who loves her son so dang much, of a mother who needs to look herself in the mirror, of a mother going through a transformation as she witnesses her son doing the same. The book is a love letter to grief and hope, restoration and redemption, forgiveness and humility.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
I am leaving the city I have lived in for a long time to live in a place that stirs my soul.
I will still do the work I love by promoting connection and leadership, self-connection, and spiritual wholeness. And I’ll still be serving my amazing clients, helping executives and their organizations.
The move is about expanding into abundance. It is me saying yes to God’s invitation and stepping fully into the gifts he has given me for his glory. I feel this on a cellular level and relate deeply to Isaiah 54:2: “Enlarge the site of your tent and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out, do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes” (ESV).
Following my path as a spiritually trained executive leadership coach and consultant, I have plans to expand my connection work into retreats, online curriculums, and even another book.
To create offerings for individuals interested in how to enhance connection and to be released from the lies that enslave us. I am combining my expertise in psychotherapy, spirituality, addiction, and leadership to create holistic approaches. My rockstar team is growing my influence intentionally and prayerfully. I am taking my seat at the table. Having a louder voice in the recovery space and around the transformative power of true connection.
Most importantly, for my son and me, the physical move is an outward expression of an inward grace. It is sacramental.
I recall what my son said to me when I once told him I could not let go. He said, “You have to, Mom.” Once he said that, the invisible hands took over and my transformation kickstarted. This move is about choosing amazing grace and saying, “Heck, yeah.”
Have you ever felt the Lord leading you to do something that frightened you? A step of faith that looked more like a leap off a giant cliff?
It’s scary when God calls you into the unknown with him. (Just ask Karen as she described above!)
He did it with Abraham. With David. With Nehemiah. With Esther. With Mary. With Paul. With you and with me.
So take heart, friend. You’re not the first one God has called into the deep end with him—and you won’t be the last. But if you close your eyes, follow his voice, and trust he’ll catch you and lead you forward, you’ll be more than okay. You’ll be walking by faith.
Karen Hardwick is a psychotherapist turned leadership consultant with a Master’s of Divinity from Princeton Theological Seminary. Her unique approach blends modern psychology, spirituality, and leadership principles and has been the catalyst for transforming the lives of countless Fortune 1000 leaders at work and home. Her book, The Connected Leader, shows people how to use the Seven Strategies of Connection to become their best selves as parents, spouses, and leaders at work. No stranger to life’s messiness, Karen knows firsthand that connection heals our wounds, awakens our souls, and ushers us into our most authentic, courageous, and empowered selves.